It's scarier when you can see it coming.

It's happening again and I've no idea why and I can feel it coming this time.  Think my mind has just got used to it.  It's actually looking forward to it in some sort of sick way.  Sick person.  STUPID girl.  Part of me is laughing at myself for typing this, like "you're so going to regret this, idiot girl" and I probably will but I want to write this so I will.

Looking over my food journal for the past month.  I want to get to where I was a couple of weeks ago.  That was a good place to be.  Kept my mind focused off other things.  And then school was like NOPE you have other things to think about and BOOM it's February.

So, yeah, it is scarier but it's been so long that there is also this sense of apathy attached to it.  Which is scary in itself.  Because I genuinely don't care, I just sort of want to get it over with.

Out of all the rubbish things I've written this must be the most nonsensical.

 

Love, etc x